Why are you still single?

I was at the library when an elderly lady wearing a beautiful sari approached me and asked me to help her locate an item. I helped her, and then she began to talk to me.

She seemed like such a sweet lady. She looked to be well into her eighties, and she relied on a wooden cane to get around. She had the sweetest smile, and her voice was full of warmth.

She was from India, and due to her advancing age, her son and daughter-in-law had invited her to come live with them here in Cincinnati.

She told me that every two weeks her daughter-in-law brought her to our library because we had a collection of books in Arabic, and as she explained to me, she had learned to speak English, but, she could only read Arabic.

After a few minutes, she asked "Are you married?"

"No, I'm not," I told her.

"Why aren't you married? Pretty girl like you, you should be married," she gently chided, with a sweet smile on her face.

As a single woman in my late twenties, I'd be lying if I said marriage is never on my mind.  When your friends all seem to be married at 23 and 24, well, you reach 29 and begin to feel like an old maid!

And then you begin to wonder, "Will I ever find someone? Is there something about me that people don't like? Are my standards too high?"

I do have standards.

Not silly, superficial schoolgirl desires ("I want to fall in love with a tall, handsome doctor who looks like a movie star and is romantic and takes me out to glamorous places!") but rather character traits that I have deemed necessary for marriage.

Perhaps it is a good thing I didn't find someone to marry at 21 or 22, because I would not even think of these things at that age! At 21 or 22, I would just be thinking "we like each other, we get along, he wants to go to church, and I think he's cute".

But now, at 29, I have had more time to come to know what is important in life and in marriage. I have thought of things that I never would have considered years ago.

At 29, the things I look for are:

      <>someone who puts Jesus first in his life and is truly dedicated to following Him
      <>is mature enough to be committed to another person and is ready to spiritually lead a family
      <>patient and gentle, does not have a quick temper, communicates respectfully
      <>humble, knowing that all blessings come from Christ, does not let his ego or his pride rule him

They say that trusting in God also means trusting in His timing. God's timing is always infinitely better than our own.
Remember how I said that the things I looked for at 22 are not the things I'm looking for at 29? God knows that, since He knows everything about me.
Just because I wanted to be married earlier, doesn't mean God thought I was ready to be married earlier...maybe He knew I had some lessons to learn, and some maturing to do before I would be ready to enter into marriage!

So, I have to trust that, if marriage is in His plans for me, that it will happen at the time God has chosen.

If marriage is NOT in God's plan for me, then I have to trust that He has something else in mind for me to do.
Marrying and raising children for the glory of God is a wonderful way to further His kingdom, but, it is not the only way!
God always has a plan and a job for His followers. No one is without a purpose. God always wants to use you to complete His work.
The apostle Paul told the followers of Christ that our desire should be spiritual, not carnal, but, because people "burn" (Paul's word) for each other, marriage as a holy union is acceptable so that we won't resort to fornication.
Paul also said that if one can remain unmarried, that is actually best, because they are free to serve Christ wholly, whereas people who are married have obligations that can prevent them from being fully dedicated to serving the Lord. Those who do not marry have such greater freedom to serve God without distraction, and can do much more to further the kingdom!
If it is God's will for me to remain single, I need to be especially in tune to His voice so that I can dedicate myself to the work He wants me to do.

If it God's desire for me to marry eventually, it is also His will that I make the most of my years of singleness, as I have an opportunity right now to do things for the Lord that I may not have the time or energy to do later if I'm married and have children.

 

One thing I can do while I'm single is pray and read scripture, becoming closer to God and learning all I can about how to live for Him. The better my relationship with the Lord, the happier I will be and the more I will be able to do to serve Him.

With a husband and children, I will be so busy that I will have to try hard to set aside time for my own Bible reading, but as a single girl, I can take all the time I want to lose myself in God's word, and really get to know Him!

 

If you are single and don't want to be, I understand the longings of your heart. I am there too. I would advise you -as difficult as this is- to try not to focus on the lack of a spouse, and instead fully invest your heart and mind in Jesus. If He wants you to marry, He will lead you to that in His timing. If He doesn't, He will show you His plans for you in other ways.

 

But when I say you should focus on Jesus, it doesn't mean I think you have to give up the search for Mr. or Mrs. Right! If you believe that He wants you to marry, by all means keep your heart open to the possibility of a partner. 

What I mean when I say focusing on God instead of a partner, is that you are being fulfilled through Christ alone, not dependent on a romantic partner to fulfill you.

 

When you're waiting for Prince Charming or your Cinderella, don't sit idly by and wait. God may very well intend for you to marry! But, if you sit at home and never go anywhere or see anyone, then God would have to literally drop someone through the roof of your house for you to meet them. Unless you marry your mailman or the UPS delivery guy, chances are a guy isn't going to just show up at your front door! You will have to go out and meet them.

If you are only at home, at work, or at the gym, you will have more limited chances to find someone. Make an effort to get involved in your church, join local organizations, become a volunteer, etc. Widen your chances to meet people. It will help you to be in places where there are other singles, but, even if an organization you join doesn't have eligible singles, you are still meeting people in general and making friends, which could lead to being introduced to someone, friend-of-a-friend situation, etc.

You can also try online dating. This is very helpful if you're having trouble meeting local singles. Online dating is becoming ever more popular and widely accepted.
I think, though, that online dating is really a misnomer; it should be called "online introductions" since you're using a dating website simply to make the initial introduction- the actual dating is done in person.
You have to be careful when doing online dating, and follow some basic safety rules such as:

• You will need an email address to sign up for dating websites. There are many free email services such as gmail, yahoo, etc and it would be best for you to sign up for a new email address which you will use ONLY for the dating website. Don't use your personal email address, especially if it has your name, birthday, or other personal info in it. Never use your work email for this, because then strangers will know where you work.
• Never post your full name, birthday, address, phone number, place of business, place of hobbies/gym/volunteering etc, or any other personal information. You can save that info for when you really get to know someone and decide they are trustworthy.
• If you see someone you are interested in, and you talk a bit on the dating website and you think you would like to meet them, it's best to meet sooner rather than later, because when people talk online for a long time rather than just going ahead and meeting, it can make the actual meeting feel awkward. Also, you don't want to waste a lot of time talking online to someone that maybe you won't have any interest in once you meet.
• Only agree to meet people in public places, where there will lots of other people around, preferably during daylight hours and not when it is dark outside.
• Trust your instincts. Most people in the world are not creepy people, but you can't tell if someone is good just by looking at them, so you need to be smart. If anyone gives you an odd vibe or you feel uncomfortable, trust your gut.
• When you plan to meet someone, let a family member or friend know where you are going and what time you will be back so they can make sure you get home safely.
• Keep your cell phone fully charged and with you and turned on so it is ready if you need to call a friend.
• Never get in car with someone you meet online. If you have been dating for a while and you trust the person, you can make that decision then. I personally feel it is better not to be in a car with someone you are dating anyway due to the risk of temptation! ;)

So online dating is another option you have in the age of ever advancing technology.

 

Regardless of how you decide to meet people, I think you should always try to look your best when you are meeting people. The very first thing people see is your appearance, and so that can determine whether or not they are interested in getting to know you more. It sounds superficial, but, the truth is, humans tend to be very visual creatures, especially guys. When someone falls in love with you, it will be because of your personality and your heart, but, when they first meet you, there has to be some attraction there if anything romantic is to develop!

 

But don't rely solely on your physical attributes. A LOT of what makes you beautiful is a warm smile, good manners, respect for others, a positive attitude and a cheerful disposition. These things can go a looong way in making you interesting to others!

I have seen men date beautiful women that they don't ever want to go out with again because of a "Debbie Downer" attitude the woman had, making her simply not enjoyable to be around! I have seen women be very interested in a man but lose interest quickly when it becomes apparent that the man has a big ego and only wants to talk about himself!

Not everyone can be a supermodel, but people with inner beauty and good social skills seem to radiate wherever they go.

There is a quote I love, by the famous children's author Roald Dahl..."You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely". :)

 

My last thought is, if you are already out-and-about meeting lots of people and you are putting your best foot forward, but you're still not being successful in meeting someone, take a good look at where you are in your journey: Are you ready to meet someone, does God think you have the maturity to be someone's husband or wife? Is there any area in your life that needs to change? Is there something spiritually that is holding you back? Pray and seek counsel about it. It could be that God wants something to change before He thinks you are ready for marriage.

 

Of course you may pray and listen for His answer and find that there may be nothing that needs to change- God may simply be telling you "not yet!" Remember nothing is going to happen until He thinks the timing is right!

 

Or He could be telling you, "I have something different in mind for your life, I have other plans for you, so trust Me."

 

Pray about it, read scripture, and listen for His response. A successful life does not depend on marriage, a successful life is simply one in which the Lord is the captain of the ship. No matter where your journey takes you or whether or not He plans for you to marry, your life is considered successful if you put your trust in Him and endeavor to do His will.

 

 

For we are his workmanship,
created in Christ Jesus

unto good works,

which God hath before ordained

that we should walk in them.

-Ephesians 2:10

 

God's Will

I wanted to share with you some thoughts I had regarding following God's direction for our paths, rather than stubbornly trying to forge our own path.

My wonderful dog Max died this past year of a heart attack. He was 13 and a half, an old age for a big coonhound. He was a  delightful (though exhausting!) dog, and I miss him greatly. For most of his life, he was extremely active, into everything, and yes- very, very stubborn!

A few years ago, I wrote my reflections on God's will as it related to my dog Max. I'd like to share with you what I realized while walking my dog:

I wanted to take my dog Max to a lovely park near my home where he could run and play.
However, first we had to get there. And wasn't that a challenge!
 
I knew exactly where we should go,and I knew how much fun Max would have once we got there.
 But Max, who had no idea where we going, was determined to head in whatever direction caught his interest.

He'd sniff the air and want to walk down the wrong street to follow a scent.
He'd waste precious time sniffing the ground (when I wanted us to arrive at the park quickly in order to make the most of the daylight).

Then he'd decide he wanted to run and try to pull me along, when I only wanted him to walk so that once he got to the park he'd have plenty of energy to run in the ample space provided.

I said to Max (yes, I do talk to my dog, and yes, I'm aware that he has absolutely no idea what I'm saying to him). However, perhaps to alleviate my own frustration, I said to him, "Max, I want to take you to the park, and I know you're going to love it, it will be so much more fun than what you're trying to do, so please listen to me and come on!"

Which, of course, he didn't. Because he's a dog.

But, as I walked, I thought- how different am I from this dog, really?

Aren't we all on a walk?

God knows where we are meant to arrive at the end of our walk, and He is trying desperately to lead us there.
Yet we, as humans, who cannot see the end result, only see what is around us, becoming distracted.
We want to go down side-streets that seem attractive, but won't ultimately get us to our destination God wanted us to come to.

How frustrated God sometimes must be that He gave us free will: He KNOWS the path that would be best for us, and He tries to lead us in the way, yet we headbutt Him at every turn, insistent that OUR way is best.

Yet, how wonderful that He did give us free will!
God knows that love is not love unless it is freely given.
How could we TRULY love God if God had programmed us to do so?  Imagine how God and all of heaven must rejoice when we TRULY  love Him: when we WANT to follow Him, CHOOSE to follow Him, and strive to become closer to Him!

          Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;

and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge Him,

and He shall direct thy paths.

-Proverbs 3:5-6

        

    

Family Treasures

Today I was looking through boxes containing valuable family history. I'd like to share with you a few things I found.

These photos are from Great Uncle Stanley's 1916 diary. Stanley Powell was the younger brother of my great-grandmother, Elizabeth (Powell) Witt.

"Saturday, January 22, 1916. A fair day, regular class work. It came to me very strong that we should not judge a person by their looks. Attended literary society."

"Saturday, January 1, 1916. I spent the day at home. Brother and sister and I went to a social at Mr. Durham's that night. Had a good time." "Sunday, Jan 2. Spent the day at home. Brother and I took a walk out on the farm which made me think of past days."

Here is the newspaper which had the letter Stanley Powell wrote to the community before he was called away to service: 

Now, for a close up of the letter so you can read it! It is quite long, but worth the read. Here goes:

Thank you to Darla Rogers Benningfield for the photos of the newspaper article. I have the article, but she took the pictures of it.

It is always a joy to discover such treasures...

                Now therefore hearken unto me, O ye children:  

           for blessed are they that keep my ways. Proverbs 8:32

Duggar Daughter Expecting!

I just love watching the Duggar family on 19 Kids and Counting. Unlike many "reality tv shows", the family hasn't changed since becoming well-known. 

They use their television series as a family ministry, sharing their faith and their beliefs with the world and striving to encourage moms and dads to love and appreciate their children and raise them with faith and a strong value system.

Their four older daughters, now adults in their 20s, are a wonderful example for young ladies to follow. 

They have all committed to purity before marriage, and now that two of the daughters have found love (Jill Duggar with Derrick Dillard, and Jessa Duggar with Ben Seewald) they have been very candid with the public about their decisions to save their first kiss for their wedding day. 

I whole-heartedly support this. Why? Because when you are dating someone, the purpose of dating is to get to know that special someone to find out if they are the person God would have for you to marry. 

You need to have a focus on getting to know their heart and mind, and they should be focused on discovering your heart and mind. 

Of course there must be a mutual attraction! 

But, there can be a lot of temptation and the focus is easily shifted away from where it should be. 

Purposing to save the physical side for when you are certain this person will be a part of your future, can really save a lot of heartache later on. 

Jessa Duggar and Ben Seewald are currently engaged, but Jill Duggar and Derrick Dillard have since married and recently announced they are expecting their first baby! 

Congratulations to the happy couple!

The above photo is from when Derrick returned home from philanthropic work in Nepal, he was so excited to see Jill after being gone. 

The next photo is after Derrick proposed to Jill- see the ring? Although they hold hands and give each other hugs, they chose to wait to kiss til their wedding day.

           Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, 

   and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. -Genesis 2:24

It's that time of year again- the big yellow books!

It's that time of year again, the time of year when you will come home to find a big yellow book sitting on your front porch! 

Mom likes to do this although she takes some years off, but this year she's going at it full force and delivering phone books to all the surrounding neighborhoods. 

Today we went to pick up the books (all five hundred of them!) as you can see by our packed SUV, and the next few days will be busy, busy, busy with deliveries! 

The stacks and stacks of phone books took up lots of room- it's a good thing we had plenty of space to line them all up!

Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification. -Romans 15:2